Sharing Our Strength (SOS) was formed in 1994 after the murder of a staff member’s brother. This staff member was unable to find support that dealt specifically with her needs. The Shafer Center for Crisis Intervention then recognized the need to provide their 11-county service area with the nurturing support necessary to help families/friends cope with a violent death as well as the special circumstances it presents.
SOS addresses numerous grief issues in an environment that provides a safe place for survivors to share their feelings with others who have experienced similar deaths. Group members express these feelings with one another & receive in return validation of their feelings. Many survivors experience feelings as outlined in Some Symptoms of Normal Grief. Sharing in this group is optional. Some members prefer to sit quietly and listen, while others wish to vocalize their feelings openly. Either way, we learn from each other.
Our Program is designed to meet and assist survivors with not only emotional needs but also with the judicial process and media intrusion that can be a painful element of your grieving process. We understand that grief is placed on hold for a long time while the court process dominates your life. The goal of SOS is to be with family and friends to support their emotional needs and assist you in the search for justice and accountability of your loved one’s murder.
Our advocates are experienced with the judicial process and also work in a collaborative effort with other advocates within the system to try and make the process as easy as possible for you under these trying circumstances. Families with missing loved ones are also invited to participate in SOS support groups.
Services That The SOS Program Offers
24-Hour Help & Support Line
Accompaniment to Legal Proceedings
Court Advocacy
Support Groups (on ZOOM!)
Individual Counseling
Information/Referrals
Assistance filling out Victim's Compensation Application
Community Education
Some Symptoms of Normal Grief
Physical Symptoms
Tightness in throat/chest (chest discomfort should be reported to a doctor) | Over-sensitivity | Weakness in muscles | Lack of energy | Dry Mouth | Hollowness in the stomach | Sighing/Breathlessness | Sleep Disturbances | Appetite Change
Emotional Symptoms
Numbness | Sadness | Anger | Guilt/Self-Reproach | Anxiety | Loneliness | Helplessness | Yearning | Depersonalization | Shock (can develop into medical emergency)
Behavioral Symptoms
Absentmindedness | Dreams of the deceased | Avoiding reminders | Searching/Calling Out | Crying | Clinging to reminders | Social Withdrawal | Restlessness/Overly Active | Treasuring objects
Cognitions/Thoughts
Disbelief | Confusion | Pre-occupation | Sense of presence | Auditory and visual hallucinations
Surviving the Immediate Aftermath of the Homicide
The most important thing to remember in the immediate aftermath of your loved one’s murder is that it will be the biggest crisis you will ever have to face. It is scary and frightening beyond imagination. During this period, more than likely, you will be in shock and feel numb. This is good! It serves a valuable purpose—it gives emotions time to catch up with what the mind has been told. Some things to keep in mind:
-
Know you are not going crazy, although you may feel like everything is spinning out of control.
-
Find someone with whom you can talk about your feelings. It is usually best if it is someone outside your immediate family as they are dealing with their own emotions.
-
Don’t be frightened by your rage. The intensity of it is probably something you have never experienced, and it can be not very comforting. Talk it out with someone who understands.
-
Remind yourself that you are brave. It takes tremendous courage to face an ordeal of this magnitude.
-
Feel your feelings—whether they are sadness, rage, vengeance, or others. Try, though, to think rationally and act responsibly.
-
Each person handles grief differently. Move through yours at your own pace. Try not to judge other family members/friends who are coping with their emotions differently than you.
-
If you began to “yearn” to die to escape the trauma of your loved one’s death, do seek help IMMEDIATELY!
-
Get support and understanding from others who have gone through this type of death. It will help you to know that most homicide families have had or are experiencing the same emotions. You do not have to handle your grief and mourning alone! When you share your pain with others in similar situations—either in a support group or individually—you will quickly find that strangers become caring friends.